1 post tagged “chump”

I find it curious that once I place my headphones over my ears and push the play button that the music narrows my vision until it is focused within.  The real world is shut out as my thought flutters from snippet to snippet of consciousness.  In between lies the what ifs and hows, sometimes the wheres or whens.

It must be from some stem of repetition of emotion that this habit bloomed.  I am surprised when hindsight shows that some of my habits can be traced back to one instance where an event had such a strong emotional impact on me that I change my mindset when in similar situations to avoid it happening again.  A case in point would be the bus.  To be more specific, getting off the bus. 

A rational person would perhaps move at a normal pace to exit the bus with no stress or great concern.  I rush at the door like a mo fo.  If you are in my way, I will bowl you over.  This behaviour can be attributed to this one time on a bus I was on.  It was a wet day so the bus was packed with bodies.  Sitting, standing, in constant motion, there was no space, all clutter.  The driver could not see the back door of the bus well.  I was to exit from the back door.  I was at the very back of the bus.  The mass between me and the door was impressive but I shouldered on.  The door in sight, I lunged only to be greeted with a shoosh.  The bus driver had no way of telling when everyone was off the bus that wanted to get off, so he chose an arbitrary time and closed the door once it was up.  I cleared my throat and exclaimed 'excuse me' a few times until finally the door opened and I got off. 

I am not sure why this had such an impact on me.  I may have felt slightly embarrassed for being rejected from leaving the bus or afraid people think of me as slow.  'Ugh, there is that guy again who just can't figure out where the door is, what a chump.'